Curtailing the cringe of performance reviews
The 2 critical mistakes we make as leaders that get in the way of delivering a performance review well.
We look across at the other person, and brace ourselves for the reaction.
We cringe, they cringe.
This recoiling occurs like a knee-jerk reflex. And it’s justified.
When delivering a review, we’re usually telling the other person a version of:
“You’re not quite performing as well as you think you are…”
The message is especially jarring if that person is overconfident in their own abilities, projecting a higher level of performance than where they’re currently at.
So how do you deliver a performance review well, when this is the case? Is it possible avoid the cringe reaction, and have the other person internalize your review productively?
While requiring finesse, it is possible to curtail the cringe of performance reviews.
It begins with overcoming two mistakes, first and foremost.
Mistake #1: You don’t acknowledge their reality.
The main reason a performance review feels “cringe-worthy” is because the information we’re sharing with the other person sharply contrasts with their view of reality.
For example:
Their reality: This person thinks they know more than their peers and are ready for a promotion.
Our reality: They’re not ready for a promotion and they need to own their own development more.
Another example:
Their reality: This person thinks they’re being strong-willed and positively opinionated.
Our reality: They’re stepping on their team members and causing resentment because they’re so overbearing.
When the two realities — ours and theirs – are so different, it’s little wonder why the performance review becomes difficult to deliver.
So how do you reconcile these two realities, and avoid it being a slap in the face or an awkward moment of the other person furiously trying to defend themselves?
We must acknowledge their reality.
It’s not what we see to be true, but it’s what they see to be true.
For instance, for the person who thinks they’re ready for a promotion:
Their reality may be that they’ve never received critical feedback in the past. They’ve historically always received praise from managers other than you, and have had positive reinforcement they are a top performer and should be promoted.
It’s not necessarily a wrong or right reality — it’s simply what’s been true for them.
So perhaps, to acknowledge their reality when delivering your review, try saying this:
“I know that you hold high expectations and standards for yourself , and I want to be clear that I’m not trying to detract from the effort you’re putting in. If anything, I want to help raise to bar for what I think you’re capable of….”
Or, let’s look at the the person whose strong personality is negatively affecting the team:
Their reality might be that they used to work at a company where the accepted norm was to shout your opinion and push others out of the way – or else you got walked over. Their over-assertiveness as a necessary survival tactic at that organization.
Now that they’re in a different organization, they’re not aware of the effect they’re having on the team – they are living in their own reality.
So, to acknowledge their reality when delivering your review, you might say:
“I realize that you have strong opinions, which is welcomed – I also want us to be cognizant of the broader context, and how the context might be different with different teams. Specifically for our team, I want to make sure the team builds confidence in themselves as well…”
In both examples, you’re sharing that you understand where they might see themselves: “I know you hold high expectations for yourself...” and “I realize you have strong opinions and perspectives…” Rather than ignoring their reality, you’re letting them know that the way they were operating previously made sense in that specific context.
When you acknowledge the reality they are operating in, first — even if you disagree with it – you lessen the likelihood of them lashing out with immediate justification of their behavior.
You then open the door for them to truly hear what you have to say in your performance review, which is what we all as leaders ultimately want.
Mistake #2: You forget to ask for a precise change in behavior.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spoken with an employee who walked out of their performance review… and they weren’t exactly sure what their manager was asking them to do differently.
The employee left thinking, “Oh, I think I’m doing great — nothing different to be done.”
When in fact, the leader did want something different to be done :-)
This is because we as leaders didn’t ask for a precise change in behavior.
For example, let’s say we have direct report who is inconsistent in their performance, and even late in delivering their work.
Oftentimes, we’ll say something like:
🚫 “I’d love for you to find a way to be a little more consistent in your work...”
🚫 “It’d be great if you could show more consistency…”
… Or something to that effect. These statements, while full of positive intention, unfortunately fall on deaf ears.
Why? Because there is no specific, precise ask for a change in behavior.
Instead, we’ll want to say something like:
✅ “On this specific project, I noticed we were late by 3 days. In the future, what is something we could focus on to make sure that work is delivered on time?”
✅ “Could I ask, going forward, if we could make timely delivery of work a top priority? I’d love to see work delivered either on the date requested or even 1 -2 days before. Is that something you could commit to?”
Notice how specific these requests are. Notice that there is a precise change in behavior that is detailed. Notice that there is an ask. There is no ambiguity around what is being sought.
As a result, your direct report will now know what to change instead of having to guess or move forward unaware.
Start fresh, start here.
Don’t default to familiar routes. As you prepare for your performance reviews this season, you don’t have to follow the same loops, the same patterns, of how you’ve always had these conversations. You don’t have to keep having “cringe” reviews.
Keep these two principles for performance reviews in your consciousness. Be sure to:
Acknowledge their reality
Ask for a specific change in behavior
And remember, the reason we all cringe during a performance review is usually because one – or both – of those principles are not being upheld.
Look forward to hearing how the conversation goes for you, this time around.
- Claire
✨ For a deeper dive, be sure to check out Performance Conversations in Canopy…
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